Returning in style

Posted: June 9, 2012 by Narruc in Life

As the sun rises rapidly and the self-shame runs deep, there’s only one thing a man can do: blog. So we’ll strike back with panache in the near future.

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FUCK IT, PUCKETT.

Posted: January 13, 2011 by Narruc in Gaming

Liberally penned by Narruc and Shake with passionate input from Kevin.

For my good friends, without whom I would be sane. (Also, all the MLG sponsors: Dr Pepper, Old Spice, Doritos, BIC and the rest)

”I think Neighbor is a cancer.” – Roy

Foreword
When we refer to ourselves as the biggest MLG fans this side of the Atlantic, we’re not lying. We’ve followed MLG closely since 2008, keeping close track of all the player transfers, tournament results, sponsorship deals and even, to a small extent, the personal lives of the MLG staff. This conspiracy theory is not meant to slander the good name of MLG in any way (although we do actually believe it’s true, we just can’t find concrete proof). If our theory does nothing but entertain you then we would be quite happy with that. We recognize that without any substantial evidence, our claims have no basis and that they will not have the profound affect upon you that we would hope for. However, if you could shelve your logic for a few moments, it would go along way in helping you see things from our perspective.

Introduction
Remember, believing is seeing.

Chapter One: Puckett my man!
It’s funny the things you talk about when you’re in a party with your friends and you’re playing some Halo 3 (CTF Onslaught to be exact). What’s even funnier is when you pretend to be scoring the final flag for Str8 Rippin in their 2008 national championships final game against Instinct. What is funnier again is when you start announcing your victory of the 08 nationals despite only scoring the fourth flag, before you friend does an impression of a nervous Sundance DiGiovanni telling Puckett to calm down while trying not to make it obvious that he’s furious with him for letting slip that the entire tournament was a fix.

Let’s take a look at the ”evidence”. Final Boss dropped Walshy earlier in the season – because of this, they were no longer marketable. We suspect that at this point, MLG decided that in order to protect the league and the success of their company, they would have to intervene. (It’s also worth wondering if Final Boss’ reign of domination was too long. Perhaps the league was becoming too boring and that money making opportunities were dwindling due to worrying lack of diversity in the teams.) Final Boss completely slipped off the radar, yet the fan favourite, Walshy, ended up in the season’s national championship finals, against all odds. On the other side, we had Str8 Rippin. A team who lost, arguably their best player, but was replaced by an up and coming star that many young fans could relate to, or at least believed they could. Besides the addition of Snip3down to the team, Str8 Rippin made one another crucial pick up: Dr Pepper.

Obviously, Str8’s performances would dictate how much money they would earn for themselves and MLG. Hence, Str8 Rippin were awarded the tournament by the powers that be at MLG. Puckett made a critical error, though, and exposed their plots for exploitation. Some argue that Str8 were always going to win the final game against Instinct but a seasoned commentator like Puckett knows that anything can happen in Halo and would not have made the mistake under normal circumstances.

Chapter Two: Rat Face in a Rat Race
For their perfect role in MLG’s money making scheme during the 08 National Championships, Str8 Rippin were rewarded with not only $100,000, but also a house in which they could live and practice in, improving on their teamwork to continue their league dominance and winning the approval of Dr Pepper. Unbeknownst to Str8, however, MLG sabotaged their new ‘Str8nctuary’ so that they could not connect to the internet and subsequently failed to get enough practice to win the 2009 season opener. We believe that MLG wanted to ‘mix things up.’ Str8 came back strong, though, and won out convincingly in Columbus. This appeased Str8 fans but their high was about to come to and end.

MLG decided that the role of dominance should shift to another popular team: Triggers Down. An underdog was also chosen, Believe the Hype, led by Cloud who would cause ripples in the swimming pool of MLG before making an absolute wave at the end of the season and leaving no water in the pool.

Triggers Down enjoyed a great degree of success. Despite, however, their text book halo and iGotUrPistola’s exceptional slaying, they could not win over the fans. Fearful of losing sponsors, MLG came to the conclusion that an element of nostalgia was necessary and decided that the 2009 nationals should be awarded to an old fan favourite, Team Classic, in order to boost revenue from merchandise sales at events. MLG hoped that this would spark more interest in Halo 3 from die hard Halo 2 fans and arouse the interest of sponsors. Popular Halo veteran, Ghostayame, was appointed to lead Team Classic to victory in the 2009 nationals while also developing an entirely new style of Halo. BTH, appointed underdogs by MLG earlier in the season, had different plans.

Triggers Down were deemed unstoppable by many Halo enthusiasts. They were firm favourites to take home the 2009 nationals and MLG acknowledged that it would take something remarkable to stop them, without raising suspicisions from astute viewers. They decided that a hardware malfunction was the best way to go about it, seemingly killing all of TD’s momentum and allowing Classic to rally and produce an immense comeback. We believe Hysteria’s Xbox was programmed to ‘red ring’ at a certain point in the game. Such an event is not likely to happen accidentally, especially in a national championship. Surely if MLG ran legitimate tournaments they would test their hardware extensively, particularly the Xboxs used on the main stage.

By this point, Believe the Hype had established themselves as somewhat of a rebellious team that did not play within the normal parameters of a Halo team. They continued this in the 09 nationals, making it all the way to the finals. MLG were furious as they had been told to ”choke” earlier in the tournament. Nevertheless, there was no real threat to MLG’s money making plot – Classic would still win nationals as they had also reached the finals. However, MLG were wrong in their assumption that BTH would throw the final. Instead, BTH stormed to victory, taking home $100,000 and infuriating the board behind all of MLG’s schemes. The master corporate puppeteers were left with a problem. They needed to punish BTH but it was difficult to do it subtly. Disqualifying them from the tournament and denying them the $100,000 would have looked incredibly suspicious. Forcing BTH to retire would also have looked strange: the team consisted of young, up and coming players. Why would they retire after winning a nationals? In the end, MLG forced the team to seperate.

Chapter Three: A Familiar Ogre
This was to be MLG’s first entirely scripted season and their future expansion depended heavily on the success of their plan. Without a ‘star’ team, MLG did not have any truely marketable group of four. Since joining the professional ranks, twin brothers Roy and Lunchbox had been popular players. Along with them, MLG recognized Clouds remarkable slaying ability and Elamite Warrior’s inspirational communication. MLG decided to put these teams together and hand them two undisputed tournaments to ensure the MLG followers would be lured to support. As seen before in pervious senarios, teams who have a seemingly high possibility of winning several events in succession attract a large fan base as the core fan base of MLG appears to be obsessed with dynasties (although Triggers Down is somewhat of an exception to this rule).

Instinct were on the brink of a ‘three-peat’ but MLG decided to play some epic Pokémon music and break out their secret weapon: Ogre 2. If ever there was a player that could carry a league on his back, Ogre 2 is that player. Exceptionally popular and amazingly talented, MLG deemed it fitting that such a historical player, along with his team Final Boss, should return from their incredibly long slumber and re-establish their dominance, becoming the first team to win three tournaments back to back in Halo 3. There was also another important point that would make Ogre 2 highly marketable: if he was to win the 2010 nationals, it would mean that he would have won every single final Halo national championships.

When MLG formulated this plan, the dollar signs were clear to be seen in their eyes. Final Boss’ victory cemented people’s love for MLG, not to mention SQ’s non-too accidental promotion to a second place finish. A placing which was planned in great detail. SQ had been appointed the season underdogs at the beginning of the 2010 season. Every dog has its day but SQ didn’t get to enjoy theirs until Tsquared was picked up as coach, allowing him to claim a large amount of credit for SQ ”breaking their fourth place finish curse”, making T2 likeable and more imporatntly, marketable. It’s also worth noting that there is a possibility MLG fixed a 3rd Place finish for Instinct because of Cloud’s disobedience during  the BTH scandal in 2009. Triggers Down’s fourth place placing could also have been scripted because of ToTz and Hysteria’s decision to drop SK (MLG’s inside man on Triggers Down).

Chapter Four: A Business Decision
It’s impossible to talk about MLG without mentioning their expansion in the production of various other types of media entertainment besides gaming. “Ultimate Gaming House” or UGH was their first endeavor into a bigger world. It’s important we take a look at a brief outline of the basic premis of UGH. A person submits a video, talking through their awful gaming setup and why they deserve to win. MLG then picks a ”deserving” winner and hooks them up with an impressive aray of gaming equipment and accessories such as high-end monitors and laptops, consoles, headsets and Gunnar glasses (obviously all approved by MLG and MLG sponsors). In addition, the winner was introduced to a Halo 3 pro and then spent the day with them while their room was upgraded. Now, obviously, the pro Halo 3 player was a member of Str8 Rippin (the planned collapse of Str8 Rippin put an end to this but, notably, MLG have recruited popular sports players in what we believe is a bid to improve MLG’s popularity and solidify MLG’s claim that gaming is a sport) because of the Dr Pepper sponsorship, hence the name “The Dr Pepper Ultimate Gaming House.”

Few people actually know that UGH is a farce. Evidence can be found in in the latest episode, in which the winner was StrawberryShrtKate, a girl from Michigan with a plight completely undeserving. She said that she has been playing Halo for years, that her favorite team was Str8 Rippin and her favorite drink is Dr Pepper but one interesting search showed that her highest skill in MLG was 11, and that she has only played around 21 games. In comparison to real fans, her evident minimal interest in MLG was not deserving of a UGH. Did MLG think that she truely deserved it or did they just plan to break the gender barrier that exists in gaming? Clearly the latter is the logical choice (ogham’s razor to the rescue once again) as it would open up another demographic to MLG which they could suck money from: (stupid) females.

It’s also worth noting that the show is called ”Ultimate Gaming House” instead of ”Ultimate Gaming Room” which would be a much more accurate title, considering the team only upgrade a single room. Perhaps MLG is trying to fool us into thinking that one day they will make over an entire house? Blatant lies perhaps.

Chapter Five: Best Taken in Moderation
MajorLeagueGaming.com is a community focused website featuring forums and other useful features for fans that allow them to interact with the league. Within the forums, there are several “staff” (I use this term loosely because as far as we know, they’re not paid) called moderators. Moderators are tasked with enforcing the rules of the forum. The rules are largely simple – no spam, no trolling, no personal insults etc. There is, however, a secret rule aimed at moderators – “All staff are expected to be as strict as possible when dealing with rule breakers. There are no exceptions. And remember, your judgement is sound and whatever you post is always fair and balanced. ” That seems fair enough, right? Indeed, anyone who breaks the rules will be subject to a swift banning from the hawk like moderators who are always watching.

Life as a moderator would appear to be easy. It seems you can’t go wrong if you followed the guidelines. However, a former MLG forum moderator, who wishes to remain anonymous agreed to talk to us in an attempt to expose the cruel punishments enforced by administrators on moderators when they step out of line during their continuous, 24 hour shifts.

Here is the transcript:

Fuck it, Puckectt: What was life within the MLG staff like?
Anon: It was terrifying. Everyday I would receive a list of people that had to be banned from MLG, for speaking the truth and sometimes for no reason at all. I would also converse daily with my fellow MLG staff, who would refer to the MLG forum posters and forum posters as cows being led to the slaughter, being milked etc and as fools. I lived everyday with the fear of being “banned” permanently or worse: suffering a spanking from Nexy. People often wonder why he doesn’t commentate anymore. I can tell you it’s because he spends his time spanking moderators until their ass cheeks bleed! [The interviewee was clearly extremely distressed at this point]

Fuck it, Puckett: I’m sorry for your plight. How did you escape MLG?
Anon: Well I just decided enough was enough and fled the country, I’m currently living in Canada, undercover, trying to spread to the word but so far, I’ve had no success. The moderators who remain under the thumb of MLG are brain washed zombies, recruited by MLG’s secret board. They’re slaves!

Fuck it, Puckett: How did you find yourself working for MLG?
Anon: [At this point the interviewee broke down in tears and ran from the room.]

We attribute his breakdown during the last question to a memory of sexual blackmail at the hands of DMAQ.

Quotes Exposing MLG
“I don’t really care about the 50th event, I’m going to win the 50th, 51st and 52nd” – Ogre 2 (obviously he knew the event placings were pre-determined)

“Uhh, it was like taking candy from a baby … but wait, wait, wait …. a baby would have put up a better fight” – Walshy (after defeating his former team Final Boss, another nod to MLG’s match fixing. The awkard, nervous silence from the commentators at this point proves that Walshy’s comment was pushing the boundaries of what players could say with regard to match fixing.)

“When I get shot at, I challenge to see if he can kill me” – Legit (referring to his Halo 3 strategy, showing he gives other team kills so Str8 Rippin can lose in accordance with MLG wishes).

Conclusion
It’s entirely simple. MLG is a business, set up to make money or to be more specific, a large profit. It’s not surprising that they would go to great lengths to do that and their success is commendable but the often disgusting methods they use to execute their plans is quite distressing, particularly with regard to the moderators.

FUCK IT, PUCKETT.
Liberally penned by Narruc and Shake with passionate input from Kevin. 

For my good friends, without whom I would be sane. (Also, all the MLG sponsors: Dr Pepper, Old Spice, Doritos, BIC and the rest)

”I think Neighbor is a cancer.” – Roy

Foreword
When we refer to ourselves as the biggest MLG fans this side of the Atlantic, we’re not lying. We’ve followed MLG closely since 2008, keeping close track of all the player transfers, tournament results, sponsorship deals and even, to a small extent, the personal lives of the MLG staff. This conspiracy theory is not meant to slander the good name of MLG in any way (although we do actually believe it’s true, we just can’t find concrete proof). If our theory does nothing but entertain you then we would be quite happy with that. We recognize that without any substantial evidence, our claims have no basis and that they will not have the profound affect upon you that we would hope for. However, if you could shelve your logic for a few moments, it would go along way in helping you see things from our perspective.

Introduction
Remember, believing is seeing.

Chapter One: Puckett my man!
It’s funny the things you talk about when you’re in a party with your friends and you’re playing some Halo 3 (CTF Onslaught to be exact). What’s even funnier is when you pretend to be scoring the final flag for Str8 Rippin in their 2008 national championships final game against Instinct. What is funnier again is when you start announcing your victory of the 08 nationals despite only scoring the fourth flag, before you friend does an impression of a nervous Sundance DiGiovanni telling Puckett to calm down while trying not to make it obvious that he’s furious with him for letting slip that the entire tournament was a fix.

Let’s take a look at the ”evidence”. Final Boss dropped Walshy earlier in the season – because of this, they were no longer marketable. We suspect that at this point, MLG decided that in order to protect the league and the success of their company, they would have to intervene. (It’s also worth wondering if Final Boss’ reign of domination was too long. Perhaps the league was becoming too boring and that money making opportunities were dwindling due to worrying lack of diversity in the teams.) Final Boss completely slipped off the radar, yet the fan favourite, Walshy, ended up in the season’s national championship finals, against all odds. On the other side, we had Str8 Rippin. A team who lost, arguably their best player, but was replaced by an up and coming star that many young fans could relate to, or at least believed they could. Besides the addition of Snip3down to the team, Str8 Rippin made one another crucial pick up: Dr Pepper.

Obviously, Str8’s performances would dictate how much money they would earn for themselves and MLG. Hence, Str8 Rippin were awarded the tournament by the powers that be at MLG. Puckett made a critical error, though, and exposed their plots for exploitation. Some argue that Str8 were always going to win the final game against Instinct but a seasoned commentator like Puckett knows that anything can happen in Halo and would not have made the mistake under normal circumstances.

Chapter Two: Rat Face in a Rat Race
For their perfect role in MLG’s money making scheme during the 08 National Championships, Str8 Rippin were rewarded with not only $100,000, but also a house in which they could live and practice in, improving on their teamwork to continue their league dominance and winning the approval of Dr Pepper. Unbeknownst to Str8, however, MLG sabotaged their new ‘Str8nctuary’ so that they could not connect to the internet and subsequently failed to get enough practice to win the 2009 season opener. We believe that MLG wanted to ‘mix things up.’ Str8 came back strong, though, and won out convincingly in Columbus. This appeased Str8 fans but their high was about to come to and end.

MLG decided that the role of dominance should shift to another popular team: Triggers Down. An underdog was also chosen, Believe the Hype, led by Cloud who would cause ripples in the swimming pool of MLG before making an absolute wave at the end of the season and leaving no water in the pool.

Triggers Down enjoyed a great degree of success. Despite, however, their text book halo and iGotUrPistola’s exceptional slaying, they could not win over the fans. Fearful of losing sponsors, MLG came to the conclusion that an element of nostalgia was necessary and decided that the 2009 nationals should be awarded to an old fan favourite, Team Classic, in order to boost revenue from merchandise sales at events. MLG hoped that this would spark more interest in Halo 3 from die hard Halo 2 fans and arouse the interest of sponsors. Popular Halo veteran, Ghostayame, was appointed to lead Team Classic to victory in the 2009 nationals while also developing an entirely new style of Halo. BTH, appointed underdogs by MLG earlier in the season, had different plans.

Triggers Down were deemed unstoppable by many Halo enthusiasts. They were firm favourites to take home the 2009 nationals and MLG acknowledged that it would take something remarkable to stop them, without raising suspicisions from astute viewers. They decided that a hardware malfunction was the best way to go about it, seemingly killing all of TD’s momentum and allowing Classic to rally and produce an immense comeback. We believe Hysteria’s Xbox was programmed to ‘red ring’ at a certain point in the game. Such an event is not likely to happen accidentally, especially in a national championship. Surely if MLG ran legitimate tournaments they would test their hardware extensively, particularly the Xboxs used on the main stage.

By this point, Believe the Hype had established themselves as somewhat of a rebellious team that did not play within the normal parameters of a Halo team. They continued this in the 09 nationals, making it all the way to the finals. MLG were furious as they had been told to ”choke” earlier in the tournament. Nevertheless, there was no real threat to MLG’s money making plot – Classic would still win nationals as they had also reached the finals. However, MLG were wrong in their assumption that BTH would throw the final. Instead, BTH stormed to victory, taking home $100,000 and infuriating the board behind all of MLG’s schemes. The master corporate puppeteers were left with a problem. They needed to punish BTH but it was difficult to do it subtly. Disqualifying them from the tournament and denying them the $100,000 would have looked incredibly suspicious. Forcing BTH to retire would also have looked strange: the team consisted of young, up and coming players. Why would they retire after winning a nationals? In the end, MLG forced the team to seperate.

Chapter Three: A Familiar Ogre
This was to be MLG’s first entirely scripted season and their future expansion depended heavily on the success of their plan. Without a ‘star’ team, MLG did not have any truely marketable group of four. Since joining the professional ranks, twin brothers Roy and Lunchbox had been popular players. Along with them, MLG recognized Clouds remarkable slaying ability and Elamite Warrior’s inspirational communication. MLG decided to put these teams together and hand them two undisputed tournaments to ensure the MLG followers would be lured to support. As seen before in pervious senarios, teams who have a seemingly high possibility of winning several events in succession attract a large fan base as the core fan base of MLG appears to be obsessed with dynasties (although Triggers Down is somewhat of an exception to this rule).

Instinct were on the brink of a ‘three-peat’ but MLG decided to play some epic Pokémon music and break out their secret weapon: Ogre 2. If ever there was a player that could carry a league on his back, Ogre 2 is that player. Exceptionally popular and amazingly talented, MLG deemed it fitting that such a historical player, along with his team Final Boss, should return from their incredibly long slumber and re-establish their dominance, becoming the first team to win three tournaments back to back in Halo 3. There was also another important point that would make Ogre 2 highly marketable: if he was to win the 2010 nationals, it would mean that he would have won every single final Halo national championships.

When MLG formulated this plan, the dollar signs were clear to be seen in their eyes. Final Boss’ victory cemented people’s love for MLG, not to mention SQ’s non-too accidental promotion to a second place finish. A placing which was planned in great detail. SQ had been appointed the season underdogs at the beginning of the 2010 season. Every dog has its day but SQ didn’t get to enjoy theirs until Tsquared was picked up as coach, allowing him to claim a large amount of credit for SQ ”breaking their fourth place finish curse”, making T2 likeable and more imporatntly, marketable. It’s also worth noting that there is a possibility MLG fixed a 3rd Place finish for Instinct because of Cloud’s disobedience during  the BTH scandal in 2009. Triggers Down’s fourth place placing could also have been scripted because of ToTz and Hysteria’s decision to drop SK (MLG’s inside man on Triggers Down).

Chapter Four: A Business Decision
It’s impossible to talk about MLG without mentioning their expansion in the production of various other types of media entertainment besides gaming. “Ultimate Gaming House” or UGH was their first endeavor into a bigger world. It’s important we take a look at a brief outline of the basic premis of UGH. A person submits a video, talking through their awful gaming setup and why they deserve to win. MLG then picks a ”deserving” winner and hooks them up with an impressive aray of gaming equipment and accessories such as high-end monitors and laptops, consoles, headsets and Gunnar glasses (obviously all approved by MLG and MLG sponsors). In addition, the winner was introduced to a Halo 3 pro and then spent the day with them while their room was upgraded. Now, obviously, the pro Halo 3 player was a member of Str8 Rippin (the planned collapse of Str8 Rippin put an end to this but, notably, MLG have recruited popular sports players in what we believe is a bid to improve MLG’s popularity and solidify MLG’s claim that gaming is a sport) because of the Dr Pepper sponsorship, hence the name “The Dr Pepper Ultimate Gaming House.”

Few people actually know that UGH is a farce. Evidence can be found in in the latest episode, in which the winner was StrawberryShrtKate, a girl from Michigan with a plight completely undeserving. She said that she has been playing Halo for years, that her favorite team was Str8 Rippin and her favorite drink is Dr Pepper but one interesting search showed that her highest skill in MLG was 11, and that she has only played around 21 games. In comparison to real fans, her evident minimal interest in MLG was not deserving of a UGH. Did MLG think that she truely deserved it or did they just plan to break the gender barrier that exists in gaming? Clearly the latter is the logical choice (ogham’s razor to the rescue once again) as it would open up another demographic to MLG which they could suck money from: (stupid) females.

It’s also worth noting that the show is called ”Ultimate Gaming House” instead of ”Ultimate Gaming Room” which would be a much more accurate title, considering the team only upgrade a single room. Perhaps MLG is trying to fool us into thinking that one day they will make over an entire house? Blatant lies perhaps.

Chapter Five: Best Taken in Moderation
MajorLeagueGaming.com is a community focused website featuring forums and other useful features for fans that allow them to interact with the league. Within the forums, there are several “staff” (I use this term loosely because as far as we know, they’re not paid) called moderators. Moderators are tasked with enforcing the rules of the forum. The rules are largely simple – no spam, no trolling, no personal insults etc. There is, however, a secret rule aimed at moderators – “All staff are expected to be as strict as possible when dealing with rule breakers. There are no exceptions. And remember, your judgement is sound and whatever you post is always fair and balanced. ” That seems fair enough, right? Indeed, anyone who breaks the rules will be subject to a swift banning from the hawk like moderators who are always watching.

Life as a moderator would appear to be easy. It seems you can’t go wrong if you followed the guidelines. However, a former MLG forum moderator, who wishes to remain anonymous agreed to talk to us in an attempt to expose the cruel punishments enforced by administrators on moderators when they step out of line during their continuous, 24 hour shifts.

Here is the transcript:

Fuck it, Puckectt: What was life within the MLG staff like?
Anon: It was terrifying. Everyday I would receive a list of people that had to be banned from MLG, for speaking the truth and sometimes for no reason at all. I would also converse daily with my fellow MLG staff, who would refer to the MLG forum posters and forum posters as cows being led to the slaughter, being milked etc and as fools. I lived everyday with the fear of being “banned” permanently or worse: suffering a spanking from Nexy. People often wonder why he doesn’t commentate anymore. I can tell you it’s because he spends his time spanking moderators until their ass cheeks bleed! [The interviewee was clearly extremely distressed at this point]

Fuck it, Puckett: I’m sorry for your plight. How did you escape MLG?
Anon: Well I just decided enough was enough and fled the country, I’m currently living in Canada, undercover, trying to spread to the word but so far, I’ve had no success. The moderators who remain under the thumb of MLG are brain washed zombies, recruited by MLG’s secret board. They’re slaves!

Fuck it, Puckett: How did you find yourself working for MLG?
Anon: [At this point the interviewee broke down in tears and ran from the room.]

We attribute his breakdown during the last question to a memory of sexual blackmail at the hands of DMAQ.

Conclusion
It’s entirely simple. MLG is a business, set up to make money or to be more specific, a large profit. It’s not surprising that they would go to great lengths to do that and their success is commendable but the often disgusting methods they use to execute their plans is quite distressing, particularly with regard to the moderators.

Quotes Exposing MLG
“I don’t really care about the 50th event, I’m going to win the 50th, 51st and 52nd” – Ogre 2 (obviously he knew the event placings were pre-determined)

“Uhh, it was like taking candy from a baby … but wait, wait, wait …. a baby would have put up a better fight” – Walshy (after defeating his former team Final Boss, another nod to MLG’s match fixing. The awkard, nervous silence from the commentators at this point proves that Walshy’s comment was pushing the boundaries of what players could say with regard to match fixing.)

“When I get shot at, I challenge to see if he can kill me” – Legit (referring to his Halo 3 strategy, showing he gives other team kills so Str8 Rippin can lose in accordance with MLG wishes)

My Top 10 Video Games

Posted: December 2, 2010 by MasterShake in Gaming

This list is based on my personal experiences with these games and the things I liked about them, gameplay, music, characters and plot (to say the least).

Number 10: Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

I remember first encountering this game when I was very young and it left an impression on me. This game was first on handheld systems (GameBoy) and it was even remade into a colour version and spawned two more games, The Oracle of Seasons and The Oracle of Ages. The simple artwork, the complex plotline and the extremely vast and well thought out side quests made this one of my favourite games ever, also the fact most of the characters were animals appealed me, as a child of course.

Number 9: Counter Strike

While my experiences with this game are fairly limited, I enjoyed it. This was the first “First Person Shooter” game I ever played and I thought it was kick-ass. I can only remember some of the guns, but I do remember that iconic voice that said “Counter-Terrorists Win” (I was a good boy, no terrorism for me) and the one thing every one remembers about this game. Hacks. This game was dominated by anyone who knew how to manipulate some simple software and cause the game to shoot people through walls, always kill, etc. Not to mention the mods (modifications) people have made for this game.

Number 8: Half Life 2

I have only recently played this game and I want to say I loved it. Although I didn’t get the plot right away I still liked it and the incredibly simple gameplay was entertaining but challenging at the same time too. The famous crowbar to smash you enemies in the face and break crates open is awesome and not to mention the incredibly innovative “Gravity Gun” that uses anything as ammo wooed me. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really annoying parts to and of this game but the above examples of the things I liked, overcame the problems.

Number 7: Age of Empires 3

Age of Empires is an extremely successful franchise dealing with early – modern civilizations and their exploits. It is a “Real Time Strategy” game, as you control everything that happens to your civilization in “Real Time”. The reason I picked the 3rd installment of the franchise was because it was based in one of my favourite areas of history, 1850 onwards. You have a choice to control the main powers at this time in the world such as the British, French, Germans, Ottomans, etc (I was always the Russians) and the idea of a player building an economy, preparing an army and conquering you enemies truly shined in this game.

Number 6: Super Street Fighter 2

Now as we all know there was a million of Street Fighter 2 remakes and reboots, Street Fighter 2, Super Street Fighter 2, Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo and so on. The reason why I chose Super Street Fighter 2 was because it was exactly the same as the original, except slightly faster and not to mention it left all those shitty characters that nobody cared about out. The characters in this game are truly memorable, everyone knows Ken, Guile, Chun-Li (I always played as her, I dunno, something about those big thighs attracted me as young boy 😉 ) and many more. Anyway, this game was the first fighting game to achieve public attention and its fully deserves it, even in Super Street Fighter IV.

Number 5: Mega Man II

Great gameplay, great music, great plot, what more can be said?
This game in my opinion, is the staple of what 8-bit graphics can produce and in todays world, where things aren’t measured in bits anymore this game is far better than most of the games bloated developers shit out these days. All the PS3 and Xbox360 fanboys need to “politely” SHUT THE FUCK UP and start playing games like this. Just because it isn’t based in Afghanistan or Normandy in 1944 doesn’t mean this game is bad, just because you aren’t some generic British or American soldier killing, often peasants of different political backgrounds doesn’t make the game unplayable. It’s a fantastic game and should be experienced by everyone.

Number 4: Halo: Combat Evolved

My first encounter with this game was when I was around 8, watching my brother play it. This game is extremely good and even as a child I noticed this. Although the plot, story and gameplay is basically the same in its many sequels, it remains great. Not to mention that this game essentially started the phenomenon known as competitive gaming (playing video games against each other competitively) and still its being played by many competitive gamers. With good reason too, the game mechanics made the game easy to play, but hard to become a master at it, because of this it started being played competitively. If anyone plays Halo 3 and the newest Halo: Reach, they should go back to their roots and play their Great-Grandad.

Number 3: Super Mario Bros

Yeah, you saw it coming but I mean come on, how could this not be on the list? Super Mario Bros is responsible for bring gaming back from The Video Crash of 1983 and for obvious reasons. The simple gameplay of running around and jumping on things, collecting coins and power-ups began with this game. We are all familiar with “Sorry, the princess is in another castle” bullshit but aside from that massive fuck you from Nintendo this game is brilliant. If for some bizarre reason you haven’t played this game, shame on you. Also on a side note, this game was the single greatest selling game of all time before being passed out by Wii-Sports.

Number 2: Halo 3

WATCH THIS NOW!

Yeah, I already mentioned a Halo title earlier on the list but this is different. I’m not going to talk about the actual campaign game or plot or anything like that, well because, to be frank, they’re shit. Wait. What? This game is number 2 in my list and it’s shit? Well let me just say, the online multi-player is amazing, I have logged well over hundreds of hours on it. As I previously mentioned competitive gaming is massive for this game and people even make different strategies and even play for money. I played this game with “conviction” for a while and I loved it.

Number 1: Tetris

Designed by a Russian mathematician named Alexey Pajitnov in 1984 this masterpiece (and I use that term seriously, it’s a masterpiece) is the bench mark that all games, not just puzzle game aspire to. Such simple gameplay with a goal that seems reasonable but is actually impossible to achieve sucks you in. There is so much love for this game all over the world that several people have written theses on Tetris and scientists even have a term called the Tetris effect to describe when people try to fit different objects together in their mind. I played this game for years and I still cannot break 350,000 points and I am still trying. That says a lot. Unfortunately because he lived in the U.S.S.R Alexey Pajitnov couldn’t copyright this genius invention and a lot of shitty knock-offs still exist today. Nevertheless this game remains the king of games.

Top 10 Wu-Tang Clan Songs

Posted: November 28, 2010 by MasterShake in Music

Some of these songs aren’t actually under the Wu-Tang Label, but seeing as how they are all done by members of the Wu-Tang Clan, I decided to include them anyway

Number 10: Uzi (Pinky Ring)
Album: Iron Flag
Rappers: U-GOD, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, RZA, Method Man, Inspectah Deck, Masta Killa, GZA

Number 9: C.R.E.A.M
Album: Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
Rappers: Raekwon, Inspectah Deck, Method Man

Number 8: For Heaven’s Sake
Album: Wu-Tang Forever
Rappers: Inspectah Deck, Masta Killa, Cappadonna

Number 7: Guillotine (Swordz)
Album: Only Built 4 Cuban Linx (Raekwon independent album)
Rappers: Inspectah Deck, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, GZA

Number 6: New Wu
Album: Only Built 4 Cuban Linx Part II
Rappers: Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Method Man

Number 5: The Heart Gently Weeps
Album: 8 Diagrams
Rappers: Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Method Man

Number 4: Protect Ya Neck
Album: Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
Rappers: Inspectah Deck, Raekwon, Method Man, U-GOD, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Ghostface Killah, RZA, GZA

Number 3: Wu Tang (feat. Method Man)
Album: Dopium (U-GOD independent album)
Rappers: U-GOD, Method Man

Number 2: Bring Da Ruckus
Album: Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
Rappers: RZA, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Inspectah Deck, GZA

Number 1: Uh Huh
Album: N/A
Rappers: Method Man

OMG XFACTOR

Posted: November 17, 2010 by CyborgNinja in Life

Nobody cares.

Swiftly moving on, recently I was hit by the stunning realization that my Christmas exams are in four weeks time. Not too bad I suppose, plenty o’ time yet. Oh whats that? My mock exams for my Leaving Cert are four weeks after I return from Christmas break? Hmmm, guess I dont get a break and I will have to study over Christmas, which sucks.

(Now a brief insight into the mind of a 17 year old boy)
Shortlist of things to do :

Work on my drawing for DCG (Design Graphics and Communications)

Make a study plan.

Adhere to said plan.

Do Christmas exams.

Play Reach/Black ops.

Its likely only two of these things will happen.

MasterShake’s World: Argentina

Posted: November 16, 2010 by MasterShake in Life

Argentina

Official name: Argentine Republic
GDP: $632.223 billion
Population: 40,134,425
Capital: Buenos Aires
Official language: Spanish
Area: 2,766,890 km2
Currency: Peso (ARS)

Argentina was colonised by Spain and only gained its independence in 9 July 1816 and because of this most of the Argentine population is made up of Europeans, due to the spanish “conquistadores” genocide of the natives. Argentina has a market-oriented economy with abundant natural resources, a well-educated population, an export-oriented agricultural sector and a relatively diversified industrial base. It is one of the major G20 countries. Argentina is a founding member of both the United Nations, Mercosur and the Union of South American Nations.

Argentina’s Flag

The Argentina emblem depicts the Sun of May which, according to tradition, was created by General Belgrano when he looked at the sky just before the Battle of Parana. White represents peace and honesty while
blue represents many elements including vigilance, truth and loyalty, perseverance & justice.

That time of year again eh?

Posted: November 3, 2010 by CyborgNinja in Life

I could have sworn that last week it was Hallowe’en / Halloween, yet apparently its Christmas time. That month and a half flew! But seriously, Im a huge lover of Christmas ( not in a religious way, but I wont delve into that today). Although Im typically a cynical and pessimistic bastard, (unless Im playing video games or after eating sugar), I turn into a very nice person during Christmas, due to the whole coming together of friends and family and all that. But, one thing irks me beyond belief. Im 17 years old. For the last 5 years Christmas has increasingly been more annoying.
Two reasons for this being;  Presents and Exams.
Presents:  As I am 17 and unemployed, I have no income. Therefore I cannot buy the people in my life he presents they deserve. This is made worse by the fact that my brothers and parents buy everyone extremely expensive gifts and I see genuine reactions of joy. This means that my Dads rehearsed enthusiasm for the socks I’ve bought him is …. less real. I also am less than ecstatic about my presents each year because ( spoiler ) I now know the truth about Santa Clause, which seems to take some of the magic out of Christmas for me.

Exams: The bane of pretty much everyone aged 13 – 22; Christmas exams. What more can I say about them, other than they force you to realise the school year is half over already and you haven’t started studying.

On a lighter note, I like to think my Christmassy ( Portmanteau FTW ) self was touched by this video and I hope you enjoy.

MasterShake’s World: Antigua and Barbuda

Posted: November 2, 2010 by MasterShake in Life

Antigua and Barbuda

Official name: Antigua and Barbuda
GDP: $1.472 billion
Population: 85,632
Capital: Saint John’s
Official language: English
Area: 440km^2
Currency: East Caribbean dollar (XCD)

Originally settled by Archaic Age hunter-gatherer Amerindians in 3100 BC this little country has since flourished and since gaining independence from the U.K in 1981. Tourism dominates the economy, accounting for more than half of the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Antigua is famous for its many exclusive luxury resorts. Weak tourist activity since early 2000 has slowed the economy, however, and squeezed the government into a tight fiscal corner. The Royal Antigua and Barbuda Defence Force has 285 members; within it, 200 12-to-18-year-old youngsters make up the Antigua and Barbuda Cadet Corps.

Antigua and Barbuda’s flag

The star/sun represents the dawning of a new era of self government. This flag was adopted when the islands became a self governing nation but still under British control. The red in this flag symbolizes the energy of the people of this island nation, the blue represents hope, black serves to remind the people of their African roots. The white doesn’t really have a meaning but the image of the sun, blue (the sea) and white being sand is very noticeable

MasterShake’s World: Angola

Posted: October 30, 2010 by MasterShake in Life

Angola

Official name: Republic of Angola
GDP: $114.343 billion
Population: 18,498,000
Capital: Luanda
Official language: Portuguese
Area: 1,246,700 km^2
Currency: Kwanza (AOA)

Angola was a Portuguese overseas territory from the 16th century to 1975. After independence, Angola was the scene of an intense civil war from 1975 to 2002. The country is the second-largest petroleum and diamond producer in sub-Saharan Africa; however, its life expectancy and infant mortality rates are both among the worst ranked in the world.

Angola’s Flag

The red is for the blood spilt by Angolans during their independence struggles, while the black is for the continent of Africa. The symbol in the middle is of a crossed cog wheel (representing workers and industry) and machete (representing the peasantry) with a gold star. It was adopted during a time when Angola had a Marxist government, and thus was supposed to evoke the image of the hammer and sickle found on the flag of the former Soviet Union, a common symbol of Communism.

In 2003 a new more “optimistic” flag was proposed but it has not been formally adopted yet.
You see the new flag here

Why there have been no posts

Posted: October 29, 2010 by Narruc in Life

I seriously doubt we have any regular readers but if we do and you’re one of them, you may be wondering why we haven’t posted anything for close to a week now.

The reason for this is all three of us who write on this blog were ‘Lanning’. You’re probably asking ”what’s Lanning?” People often say that ‘lanning’ is when a group of gamers meet in one place and game over a local area network (LAN) hence the term ‘lanning.’

Lanning is actually (usually) a group of guys in a room together, awkwardly aware of the fact that what they’re doing is incredibly nerdy and would be highly frowned upon in almost all regular social groups.

Nevertheless, it’s very fun.